Nothing worth doing is ever easy, right?

I hate this right now. I am still with a mentor. He's nice enough, he doesn't yell (which is a first as far is teachers in this industry so far), he is doing his job-ish. It took a bit for us to establish comfortable communication expectations. When I would ask about a message or light on the dash as an example, he would respond "Oh, don't worry about that" which may be good enough for some people, but when I'm out on my own, I will worry about that, so answer the question, what the F is it?

What makes this the absolute worst right now though, is the schedule, the route, the monotony, and my mental health. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, which I keep in check with medication. The dosage is based on the schedule and lifestyle that I had previously. Switching to being asleep all day and awake all night has been a struggle. Being here longer than expected, I ran out of meds and that mental crash was fast and furious. Thankfully, my amazing husband and 11 year old picked up refills and met me halfway to give them to me and have a delicious lunch.

When I'm driving in the middle of the night and have nothing but my music and my thoughts to keep me company (mentor sleeps or watches movies on his phone) I think of all the fun I'll have when I get my own truck. YES, I realize it will still be hard work and yes, I'll still have some nights. But I'll have variety. I'll have my own little refuge to crawl into and practice my uke or stitch or read. I'll be able to share the fun things I've seen, or the yummy food I make in my toaster oven. The people and dogs I meet. I dream of having fun again and sharing it with you.

Hopefully by the end of this week I'll have enough driving hours and the backing maneuvers "click" and I can nail it every time. Then I test and then upgrade to my own truck. If I don't pass the test, I can't try again for six months.

I miss my people. All of you. I hope to make you smile and laugh again soon. Enjoy each other immensely.