Fear

I'd like to take a few steps backward in my journey of life, not just trucking. In June of 2021, my little family of three embarked on the greatest adventure of our lives. We moved to Honolulu from Omaha, home to my ancestors three generations back. This move was fast. We had to make decisions on every item in our possession - move, store, donate, or trash. We reduced our earthly belongings to one storage unit and one 8'x8' pod to ship over seas. We had to ship our "move" items 30 days after finding out we were moving and not see them again for 4 months.

The reason this is significant now, is that it was such a fast move that we were bombarded with questions every time we saw people who knew us. "Are you ready? When do you leave? Where will you be living? Have you been there before? Are you just so excited?" Not to mention the barrage of "I used to live there... or My uncle lives there... or I've heard they won't like you..."

In the present, a new exciting life event is happening for me, and now I have a deep seeded fear of social events. Last night was one of those events. Awards for my favorite theater group. I acted in one play, but for the most part was not heavily involved in the last season. When it came time for awards, I just couldn't do it. For almost all of the questions I was expecting, I didn't have answers. I was spiraling just thinking about it. So I stayed home and went to bed early. I told the MC of the ceremony, if I won anything to accept it on my behalf and that if he wanted to send me a picture, I'd respond with something to say.

I went to bed thinking anything I would have been nominated for was already awarded. Imagine how my heart sank when I woke up in the night, checked my phone, and there was a picture of the biggie. Lifetime Achievement. I've been volunteering with this theater for 22 years, but never in a million years would have thought I'd be awarded the biggie. I feel like an absolute weenie for not facing my fears and instead literally hiding under the covers.

So to Derek, I apologize for not being there when you sent the picture. I am humbled, grateful, surprised, and so very lucky to receive this award. The Florentine Players have played a much more significant role in my lifetime journey than those two years in Honolulu. I have met, and sadly said goodbye to, the most amazing people in Florence. I met my own husband in Florence. We've chosen Florence as our forever home.

So to everyone who has ever crossed my path in the magical place called the Florence Community Theater - I sniff you all with love and will be back when I'm done chasing my tail.